


Maybe I need you too

by IngridBeast



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dealing With Trauma, Enemies to Friends, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, SouHaru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 03:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12975207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IngridBeast/pseuds/IngridBeast
Summary: Haru's head is still in turmoil after his fight with Makoto, and bumps into Sousuke, who is secretly dealing with probles of his own.





	Maybe I need you too

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning: this fic contains mention of past rape, but it is not in-depth or graphic.

Of all the people to stumble across as he was furiously trudging through the streets of Iwatobi at night, Yamazaki Sousuke was the last person Haru wanted to have to acknowledge right now. Unfortunately, it was hard to ignore the chest which somehow seemed to have appeared in front of his face while he was lost in a fuming train of thought which started and ended in Makoto’s voice saying “I'm going to Tokyo”. He looked up to be met by teal eyes and a sneer.

 

“I know you don't function as well on land as you do in water, Nanase, but actually looking where you're going might improve that handicap, you know,” Yamazaki growled. People said teal was a warmer blue, but Haru found it a very cold colour.

 

“I wouldn't talk so loudly about spacial awareness, Mister ‘I get lost on my own campus’,” Haru retorted dryly. Teal might not be as warm a colour as people said, but heat was certainly rising to a complementing pink in Yamazaki’s cheeks. Haru mentally smirked.

 

“Oh, so you **do** talk! And here I thought you were incapable of conversation without your Tachiboyfriend. Did he dump you and make you realise you had to start using actual words?” It wasn't the venomous tone that hurt him. Not the age old joke that the two childhood friends were involved romantically. And in any other situation the implication that he was dependant on those green eyes and that smile brighter than the sun would have been brushed off with an eyeroll. He had learned independence when his parents left, and he was only economic with his words because he saw no point in putting in effort unless it was necessary. He would be fine without Makoto constantly at his side. But Makoto hadn't told him. He hadn't told him he was leaving. Perhaps he never meant to. They had to have a fight, their **first** fight, for him to admit it, and Haru had never felt more betrayed in his life. In some strange way it **had** felt like Makoto dumped him, their friendship to be left behind as he ventured out in the world never to return or look back, becoming a ghost of a smiling presence which once warmed Iwatobi.

 

And Yamazaki’s words summoned all those feelings which had been simmering just beneath the surface of his cool demeanour in the face of the Samezuka swimmer. The latter smirked at Haru’s dropped jaw and turned to leave, teal mixed with triumph.

 

With rage making his eyes sting, Haru launched himself on the much bigger swimmer. The ferocious abandon in his attack caught Yamazaki completely off-guard, and he was slammed face first up against the wall.

 

“Shut your mouth,” Haru growled through clenched teeth, his voice low and threatening, “or I swear I'll make you regret it!”. It was way out of character for him, but nothing about this evening felt normal to Haru, his feelings and frustrations pent up into the ticking bomb set off by a sneer and arrogant teal eyes. He was so angry, he ignored the tears staining his face with salt. A moment passed. Then another. And then Haru noticed the body pressed between himself and the wall was shaking. He looked up at Yamazaki’s face, left cheek pressed into the brick surface in front of them, and deep blue eyes widened in the realisation that the big, strong butterfly swimmer was crying silently, eyes shut and lower lip quivering. It was a sight Haru had never expected to see; Yamazaki Sousuke was **afraid**.

 

“Yamazaki…?” Haru made his voice soft, the way he would toward a frightened animal, gently releasing his grip and stepping back. He watched with a sting of guilt and the boy in front of him all but slid down the wall, sinking into a huddled sitting position on the ground, his left side still pressed up against the wall, as if searching for some form of protection. None of this made sense.

 

“Yamazaki,” Haru asked again, even softer this time, but to no avail as the other simply shook shook more violently, his breath now uneven and strained. _He's having a panic attack!_

 

Haru had seen something like this happen before. Makoto had them when he was younger after that kind, old fisherman had drowned. It had been awful, but Makoto had grown out of the worst of it. Seeing it happen now, he acted on instinct. Sitting down next to him, Haru began to speak again.

 

“Yamaza-” he started, but cut himself off and decided to toss formalities out of the window.

 

“Sousuke. Listen to me. I'm sorry for whatever triggered this. I'm not going to hurt you. Focus on my breath and breathe with me.” The other boy made no sign of acknowledgement, but he seemed to make an attempt at controlling his breathing.

 

“Good. You're doing good. Deep breaths. I'm here. You're not alone.” It took some time and gentle reassurance and encouragement from Haru, but slowly, Yamazaki’s body was no longer shaking, and his breath was steadying. The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes before Haru deemed the panic attack thoroughly over and spoke.

 

“What do you need?” Teal eyes looked at him incredulously.

 

“A few minutes ago you seemed ready to murder me and now you're asking me what I need?” The butterfly swimmer's voice was raw and he looked tired.

 

“I was angry but I'm not a monster,” Haru stated matter-of-factly, but, when met with puzzlement, he added, “Makoto used to have panic attacks as a kid. I'm not gonna let someone go through that alone, especially if I'm the cause of it.” Something softened in Sousuke's face and teal didn't seem such a cold colour anymore.

 

“So what do you need?” Haru got up and extended a hand. The other took it, rising to his feet.

 

“I don't know… Just some time to… to recover, I guess,” was the response, voice still raw, almost desperate to hide the vulnerability still straining it.

 

“Come on. You're coming home with me. I'll make you tea.” Haru left little room for discussion, but was surprised to see taller boy simply nod.

 

* * *

 

It had been a quiet walk back to Nanase’s place, and Sousuke hadn't protested, his head too full of thoughts. His host had led him into the living room when they arrived, then disappeared into the kitchen to make tea. Sitting in Nanase Haruka’s living room was not where he had pictured himself this night. Rin had dragged him along to Iwatobi to celebrate Obon, and as Rin was staying with his parents for the night, Sousuke had headed to the train station to travel back to Samezuka. He must have taken a wrong turn, because he had found himself lost, but too stubborn to ask for directions, and by the time Nanase literally bumped into him, he had grown rather frustrated. He had felt a little bad for taking it out on the poor guy, but then things escalated and he had just gone with the flow, until...

 

A tray was set on the table and broke his train  of thought. Nanase served the tea and sat down on opposite him.

 

“Do you want to talk about it? Makoto always said it helped him to talk about it.” Nanase had never struck him as a sympathetic person. The freestyle swimmer had always seemed distant, aloof and cold to him, but looking up into those deep blue eyes, he was met with an unexpected sense of sincerity and understanding. He averted his gaze, unable to hold it.

 

He had buried the event that caused him to transfer to Samezuka in the innermost of his mind, but sometimes it would resurface in his dreams, unbidden and forcefully, leaving him a sweaty, nervous mess when he finally awoke.

 

_“Keep your mouth shut.” Left cheek pressed against cold tiles, along with the front of his body. “I'll make you regret it if you don't.”  Fingers trespassing all over his skin._

 

He instantly regretted summoning those memories. He hadn't willingly done so since it happened. Nanase was sitting next to him again, and he had no memory of him moving. He was speaking in that same soft voice he had used earlier, and Sousuke clung onto it like a lifeline while he fought to steady his breath again. A warm hand softly squeezed his good shoulder as he finally regained some semblance of control, and this time, he didn't bother fighting back the sobs or the tears. Nanase’s hand rubbed soothing circles into his shoulder.

 

“He…” Sousuke squeezed the tears out of his eyes and cleared his throat. “He forced himself on me. My… my old coach. He forced himself on me in the locker room.” Saying the words felt both liberating and terrifying, and he wasn't even sure why he said them. He hadn't even told Rin, and here he was spilling his guts to Nanase, of all people. But having started, it was like a dam had been opened and he couldn't stop the flow of it.

 

“He pushed me up against the wall, told me to keep my mouth shut, that he'd make me regret it if I didn't. And then he forced himself on me. I always felt untouchable. I thought that since I was tall and strong and fast, no one would be able to hurt me. But I froze. I could easily have taken him down, but I froze. I couldn't move. And when he was done, I was so ashamed. I should have stopped him.  But I couldn't. I just froze and let him.”

 

The hand on his shoulder had stilled and Sousuke lifted his gaze to find its owner staring at the floor, face riddled with guilt and something else, was it disgust?

 

“Nanase? Please. Say something. Are you… are you disgusted with me?” Blue eyes flashed up at him, wide with anger and Sousuke's stomach dropped.

 

“I'm angry. I'm angry because someone did that to you and made you feel ashamed, as if it was your fault.”

 

“Nanase-”

 

“Call me Haru.”

 

“Haru, it **was** my fault. I could have stopped him, and I didn't, I-” Haru moved closer and grabbed his hand.

 

“You froze. And that's a completely normal reaction. You were in shock. There was nothing you could do. The only one who should feel ashamed and guilty is **him**. Sousuke. Look at me. I'm not disgusted with you. I'm sad that you had to go through this. And I think you've been really brave to tell me. I'll sort out a futon for you. You're not going home alone tonight.” Sousuke watched him get up to fetch the futon, and hesitated for a moment.

 

“Nanas- Haru. Could… could I sleep in your room?” He couldn't look him in the eyes. He felt naked, vulnerable.

 

“Yes.” Haru’s voice was sincere, and there was a hint of a kind smile on his face, as if he had expected the question. There was nothing distant, aloof or cold about him. Sousuke smiled with relief.

 

* * *

 

Haru woke up to distressed sounds coming from the futon. He turned over to see his guest clearly having a nightmare. Reaching out, he put his hand on Sousuke's shoulder.

 

“Sousuke. It's just a dream. Sousuke. Wake up.” Eventually, his guest woke up with a dazed look and beads of sweat on his brow. He looked so lost and hurt that Haru just wanted to hug him. Instead, he gave the shoulder he was holding a soft squeeze as Sousuke wiped the salt water from his eyes.

 

“Do you want me to pull out another futon and sleep beside you?” Haru could swear he saw hope flood those teal eyes, but they turned away from his.

 

“I couldn't ask you to do that. I'm sure you're much more comfortable in your bed.”

 

“Then sleep in it beside me. There's more than enough room for two.” It wasn't a lie. His parents had left him their king size bed, which he had gradually taken over. He could see Sousuke hesitate, and scooted to the unoccupied side of the bed as if to highlight his point. Shortly after the mattress dipped, heralding that the other had joined him. He couldn't help but smile.

 

“Haru?”

 

“Yeah?” Haru felt a hand finding and clutching his.

 

“Thank you.” Haru squeezed the hand holding his.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke woke up still holding Haru’s hand. Technically, Sousuke woke up holding all of Haru, the smaller body of the Iwatobi swimmer spooned against his, Sousuke's arm around Haru’s waist, their clutching hands pressed against Haru’s chest. And it felt amazing. It felt safe and warm and he didn't want to let go. He took a deep breath, and the scent of chlorine and what must have been Haru’s shampoo filled his nostrils. There was a tiny fluttering feeling in his chest. He closed his eyes and fought the compulsion to nuzzle his nose into Haru’s hair, pretending to be asleep instead so that he could stay in the moment as long as possible.

 

* * *

 

There was a weight on his waist when Haru woke up and he found himself in the warm embrace of Sousuke's arms, their hands still entwined. Sousuke was holding him. Sousuke's hot breath was on his neck. His heart started to race. It felt good, being held by Sousuke. Was that why his heart was beating so fast? Because he felt needed again? Was that why he had invited Sousuke into his house? Into his bed? Did it matter?

 

He realised that he had tugged Sousuke's hand even closer to his chest, and Sousuke responded by gently tugging him closer. Haru thought his heart was going to explode out of his chest, and it would be a miracle if Sousuke didn't notice. What was up with him? This was Yamazaki Sousuke! He barely knew the guy! And yet, he found himself in the odd position of not wanting him to leave. It dawned on him that it wasn't because Sousuke needed him.

 

“Haru? If I told you that I wanted to stay, would you let me?”

 

“Yes.” Haru could feel Sousuke take a deep breath.

 

“Why?” This time, Sousuke's voice was barely a whisper, and it was Haru’s turn to take a deep breath.

 

“Because… maybe I need you too.”


End file.
